Alright everyone, I want to tell you guys about my specific journey as a follower of Christ. I want to describe what point I am at today and and how I got here!
All throughout my life I considered myself a Christian. When someone would ask me if I believed in God I said yes, when someone asked me if I believed in Jesus I would say yes. The problem here was that I did not apply any meaning into these very shaky beliefs of mine. I did not pray, I did not read my bible, I only went to church on Christmas and Easter, I did not have a personal relationship with God and I did not understand the depth and love behind Jesus dying on the cross. In this state I did not give a second thought about Heaven or Hell. I simply was what a lot of people are today, Christian by label but not a follower of Christ.
So now you may be asking… what lead me into actually believing with my full heart and soul that God is the creator of the universe, that He is a living and loving God, and that He sent out savior Jesus Christ down to the earth to die for our sins so we could have a personal relationship with Him. Well, it all started when my fiance, who was my boyfriend for about 4 months or so at the time, randomly asked me, “Do you know if you’re going Heaven?” I was so taken back, I immediately said yes, I am going to Heaven. He continued to ask, “So if you died at this very moment you are certain you would be in Heaven?” I was still dumbfounded and saying yes on autopilot from the last question.
From there we basically dropped the subject, but when I got home the question literally burned into my head and my heart. No matter what I did I could not let it go. I was having an interesting and frustrating conversation with my mind. Only now do I realize that the Abby in my mind arguing with me was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. So the conversation went like this.
Abby’s Mind: Are you going to Heaven?
Outside Abby: Why wouldn’t I be, I believe in God?
Abby’s Mind: Do you actually believe in the things you say you do?
Outside Abby: Well of course!.. Maybe not… I don’t know…
So within the next couple weeks I did a lot of research, I listened to a lot of people who knew and loved God, prayed a lot and I was able to give my full heart to Jesus!!!
But wait, it doesn’t stop there.. As this new baby Christian I was ready to conquer the world and tell everyone about Jesus. The thing is, telling the world about Jesus is actually pretty difficult, especially at that state of not knowing anything other than your own story. So I started to wear down and got to a point of occasional bible reading, occasional praying, occasional church.
Gladly, this blog post does not end here.
Slowly God wiggled his way out of the box I was keeping him in and tore my heart apart with full loving Glory. That is when I realized the problem. I was so excited to tell the world about Jesus but I didn’t have a true personal relationship with Him yet. So like any other relationship in your life, to get closer to God you must talk with Him and hangout more with Him. Just like any other new relationship it was strange at first and honestly difficult to come up with things to talk about. I would pray and say a couple of words, maybe a sentence or two and be done or I would read a bible verse a day but no more. Through this I started to realize who He truly was, I started to feel His presence, and I started to feel His love. Now when I talk to Him I find it hard to fit everything I want to say to Him in because HE IS SO GOOD! I am still not where I want to be and I am far far far from perfect! I am a sinner and God knows that, but He loves me so much and He loves you so much!
That is my story as a Christian, my hope is that you would try to find that personal relationship with Him, because it is unlike any other you will ever experience. He is always waiting and always listening.